I never used to know these cafes, and there was a time when an extra chair at my table was always occupied.always found myself in the passenger seat—not by choice, but because owning a car was out of reach (and still is). Back then, night walks were quiet, unaccompanied by music as they are now, though today I almost depend on it. My focus would naturally land on a single voice in a room full of noise. Those days were filled with small discoveries, like learning about Mocha, Latte and O remember discovering Mocha, Latte, and other drinks I’d never known before. My bag wasn’t the only weight I carried on my shoulders, and it was always a table for two. Mornings started with chai - extra sugar, extra milk prepared for two. There was always an extra pillow beside mine, and we made do together on a single mattress bed. My hands weren’t just for fixing my hair, and when watching movies, I wasn’t the only one smiling. Borrowing a friend’s car to impress someone became a fun routine, while visiting art galleries turned into a newfound passion.
These shadows have been my companions for the past month, and it feels like they might stay with me for years to come. I wish you could have seen what I envisioned for us, instead of keeping an account of my mistakes. I’ll always be here, waiting for you, ready to comfort you just like I did on our first date. That kiss - it was the most magical moment of my life. I believe if I see you again, I could feel that same magic. You know it too - how deeply I love you. You were my priority, above everything else, and somehow, you still are.
I should have moved on. I should have walked away when you left, but I can’t. I feel like leaving would mean giving up on ever having you back.
I love you so much that I want to become better - better in life, better in my career. I wish you were in Paris with me. I wish we were making art together, writing this book side by side. I wish this book wasn’t about you. I wish you’d hold my hand and just accept me.
I wish my New York dreams included you. I wish we could have made love endlessly in cozy cafes, sipped wine, danced in jazz bars, and read your favorite poems together. I just wish...
I want to be the one to help you move forward in life, achieve your dreams, and make all your imaginations a reality. I dream of us waking up together, gazing at the Hollywood sign, holding you close. I want to be there when you cry, to comfort you, to take you to the Mulholland mountains and remind you, "Baby, the world is so vast, and our problems are so small."
Standing above the city, I want to be your only man - the one who truly cares about you and your goals. Let me share your burdens equally, let me be there for you. I just wish you’d come back to me.